13 Losses, 13 Angels: Our Story of Hope
Our journey began in 2018 with our first chemical pregnancy. Now, in 2025, we’ve endured our 13th. Thirteen fleeting moments of hope. Thirteen times we’ve seen those two pink lines—and thirteen times we’ve had to say goodbye before ever saying hello.
I remember the way my heart would race when the lines appeared, but my husband had stopped reacting—he had come to expect the worst, even when I was still clinging to hope because, why not, it was my turn to be pregnant. For most, a pregnancy test is a joyful confirmation. For me, it became a ritual of fear—I didn’t test to see if I was pregnant, but to check if I still was. Each fading line was another heartbreaking goodbye to a baby we never got to meet.
All around us, life carried on—marriages, baby showers, pregnancy announcements. Meanwhile, we kept our pain private, wearing a brave face at work, holding back tears, and hiding the depth of our heartbreak from friends and family. For years, we said nothing—because no one in our family had ever experienced anything like this. Every relative who tried to conceive, conceived easily. Blessed with full homes and growing families. We held it together… until we couldn’t anymore.
Over the last two years, we finally started opening up. The silence had become too heavy. Our pain too great to carry alone. When we told our families, their shock and tears reminded us how much we had been carrying by ourselves. Our siblings, parents, and friends have been ever so supportive—there for us in the most gentle, compassionate ways—because they too don’t know how to navigate such a confusing, heartbreaking journey. Their love in these last years has been a quiet strength we didn’t know we needed.
We’ve been through four fertility clinics, endless IUIs, cycle monitoring, two IVF rounds, three transfers—all failed. Every hormone level and test came back “perfect.” No answers. Just more grief. Our one “success” was that we could always get pregnant spontaneously—but none of those pregnancies stayed. The toll it’s taken on our relationship, our joy, and our sense of self—it’s hard to put into words.
Countless early mornings before work for blood tests and ultrasounds, the physical and emotional weight of daily injections, the quiet recovery after egg retrievals, and the secret juggling of appointments and treatments often felt like living a double life. People told us to just relax, take a vacation. But it’s not that simple. The emotional toll of infertility and repeated loss is beyond what most can imagine.
After years of exhausting every option, it was one trusted medical professional who gently encouraged us to try just one more clinic. We were hesitant, worn down, but willing to give it one last shot. That decision became the turning point in our journey.
Under the care of Dr. Chloe Roumain and her compassionate team at Tripod Fertility, we were introduced to immune-related testing and treatments we had never been offered—or even knew existed. We discovered immunological factors like elevated natural killer (NK) cells that had never been tested before. With treatments such as intralipid infusions and other specific medication protocols, we finally felt we were addressing a root cause. For the first time, we felt seen, heard, and truly supported. But still, no pregnancies.
Tripod gave us more than just new protocols—they gave us hope. Their compassion, empathy, and belief in our story made us feel truly seen. And it was through them that we learned about the Fertility Friends Foundation grant.
We applied, never imagining we’d be chosen. We work hard and live modestly, but fertility treatments have taken a tremendous financial toll. We’ve relied on credit, put home renovation projects on hold, and made countless sacrifices just to keep moving forward each month—all while trying to stay present for family birthdays, weddings, and social events. Balancing it all, especially with the rising cost of living, has been incredibly overwhelming.
When we received the news that we’d been selected for a grant, we were in complete shock. Grateful. Overwhelmed. It still doesn’t feel real. We’re used to being the ones offering help—not receiving it.
But this time, it’s our turn. With the unwavering support of Fertility Friends Foundation and the compassionate team at Tripod, we are stepping into this next IVF cycle with deeper knowledge, stronger support, and hearts full of renewed hope. We’ve poured everything we have—emotionally, physically, and financially—into getting to this moment. And now, for the first time in a long time, we truly believe we deserve a real chance at lasting joy.
Through every loss, we’ve held onto the dream of hearing our baby’s heartbeat. That hope, that love—has never wavered. This journey has tested us in ways we never imagined. But we refuse to let our past define our future. We are moving forward with courage, gratitude, and the quiet strength that comes from not giving up. We are holding onto hope—with everything we have—and trusting that the best part of our story is still waiting to be written.
Thank you, from the bottom of our hearts.