It began as a simple instinct to support my sister, Siobhan, through her fertility challenges. When she and my brother-in-law, Chris, started talking about surrogacy after years of infertility, my immediate reaction wasn’t a calculated decision, but a gut feeling born from the unique bond only sisters share.
I had the privilege of having three beautiful babies, and I desperately wanted my sister to experience the same joy. My husband had no hesitation in my plan for surrogacy. His family values are incredibly strong and he never wavered in his commitment to supporting me, no matter what it took.
The decision to become a surrogate for a family member is incredibly personal and layered with emotional complexity. For me, it was a journey filled with highs and unexpected challenges.
There were moments of pure joy—like the first sonogram, or when we found out it was a baby girl. It was amazing to see her little body moving around, knowing that I was carrying this tiny miracle for Siobhan and Chris.
But there were also moments that tested me emotionally and physically. One of the hardest parts of my surrogacy journey wasn’t the pregnancy itself; it was the lack of real, honest information about how to navigate the experience, especially with my husband and our own children.
Some of my fears were eased the day our daughter had a friend over for a playdate. The friend was confused about my growing belly, assuming I was having a new sibling for our children. Without missing a beat, our five-year-old piped up and said, It’s my aunt’s my uncle’s embryo that they made and my mom is growing the baby in her uterus!” Despite our initial fears, our children moved through the pregnancy with clarity and excitement.
One of the most surprising, and at times, heartbreaking challenges I experienced was realizing how little power parents-to-be have within the medical system. The system still treats surrogates as the sole legal patient, which makes sense medically but doesn’t always align with the reality of what’s happening. In many ways, the system hasn’t caught up with modern families. I felt I always had to advocate not just for myself, but for Siobhan and Chris as well.
Navigating the journey as sisters added a unique dimension to the experience. Siobhan and I had always been close, but this experience brought us even closer together. We spoke openly, checked in with each other constantly, and respected each other’s boundaries and emotions. Siobhan and Chris were present throughout the entire process. We attended appointments and celebrated each prenatal milestone together.
I also learned so much about surrogacy along the way, particularly when it’s done within a family. People often assume it must be so hard to “give up the baby,” but I wasn’t giving her up. I was giving her to her parents. The growing baby was, after all, my niece.
Reflecting on the experience, I describe it as one of the most meaningful things I have ever done. Watching my sister embrace motherhood and seeing the little girl I carried grow up surrounded by love has been a constant reminder of the profound impact one act of generosity can have. This wasn’t just a gift for Siobhan and Chris – it was a gift for our whole family.
I hope my story encourages others to have open conversations, to ask questions, and to support those on fertility journeys with empathy and compassion. Sometimes, the greatest gifts are the ones we never expected to give.