Queer Family Planning: Egg Freezing As A Trans Man
“Hi, my name’s Taylor. I’m a trans man, and this is my partner, Madison. And we’re currently going through the process of freezing my eggs so we can do reciprocal IVF.”
That’s how Taylor begins his videos online, and how many people first come to know us. Through a statement of identity and intention in a world of assumptions.
For trans people, access to inclusive fertility care is limited, and representation in those spaces is extremely scarce. One year ago, Taylor began documenting his experience navigating emergency gynaecological care and family planning on TikTok. This marked the beginning of our advocacy journey as a couple, joining the growing landscape of queer voices working to advance inclusive and accessible fertility care.
This is our story.
Reciprocal IVF, or reciprocal in vitro fertilization (RIVF), is a family-building option often used by LGBTQ2S+ couples assigned female at birth. In this process, one partner undergoes ovarian stimulation and egg retrieval. Those eggs are then fertilized with donor sperm to create embryos. One of the embryos is then transferred to the other partner, who carries the pregnancy.
For many couples, RIVF is more than a medical process. It is a deeply meaningful way to share both the physical and emotional aspects of building a family. One partner contributes genetically, while the other experiences pregnancy and childbirth, creating a unique and shared connection to their future child.
For Taylor and me, our embryos will be created using his eggs and donor sperm. Later, I will carry and give birth to our child. We will both play different but equally important roles as genetic and birth parent, respectively.
Taylor and I always knew the destination was parenthood. The road to get there, however, was not always clear for him.
Like many transgender people, when Taylor began his medical transition over three years ago, fertility preservation was not part of the conversation. As our relationship grew, our path to parenthood became clear. But with so much life ahead of us as a young couple and a desired route clearly laid out, we weren’t in any hurry.
Then everything changed.
About a year ago, Taylor had to undergo an unexpected emergency surgery to save his left ovary. His fertility was under threat, and so was our path to parenthood through RIVF.
We left that experience knowing a medically necessary hysterectomy was in his near future and that our fertility journey had begun far sooner than expected.
Like many people venturing into the unknown, Taylor and I took our first steps with curiosity and apprehension, armed with as much knowledge as we could gather.
We started by choosing a clinic that looked great on paper. Its policies spoke about inclusivity and informed care for transgender patients, and we felt hopeful walking through the doors. Very quickly, however, we realized that policies do not always translate into practice.
From our very first visit, Taylor experienced misgendering, encountered biased assumptions, and had to navigate a lack of informed, inclusive care. He continuously had to correct people, advocate for himself, and navigate a system not built with people like him in mind, adding a layer of emotional labour that’s hard to put into words.
At one point, Taylor even considered stepping away from the process entirely. Instead, we found a new clinic where we feel understood, respected, and cared for. With that shift, Taylor and I have been able to move forward. He has now begun his egg retrieval process, marking the start of a hopeful new chapter in our fertility journey.
Taylor continues to share his journey openly online, documenting the realities of navigating fertility care as a transgender man. What began as a way to document his experience has grown into something larger, an ongoing commitment to visibility, advocacy, and creating space for more inclusive conversations around fertility care.
From clinical milestones to quieter, more emotional moments, Taylor’s content offers an honest look into a process that is often misunderstood and unseen. By sharing his story both online and at speaking engagements, Taylor hopes to be seen, to take up space, and to educate, so that other transgender people do not have to.
In this process, we’ve learned just how beautiful and brutal fertility care can be. It’s vulnerable, invasive, expensive, exclusionary, isolating, and an immense, immeasurable privilege.
Taylor is a wonderful example of what it looks like to turn lived experience into advocacy, despite discomfort. If sharing a few videos online or speaking at an event alleviates even the smallest barrier for someone, he’s going to do it.
It is an honour to stand by his side.
Follow along on TikTok as Taylor continues to share his story.
Written by Madison